The content on our parenting website is provided for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional advice and should not be construed as such. We strive to provide accurate and up-to-date information, but the ever-evolving nature of parenting and healthcare may necessitate changes. By using our website, you agree to the terms of this disclaimer. For more details please go to our Disclaimer Page.
Hey Mummies (and Daddies)! I’m Elissa, a first-time IVF mummy to a super active 16-month-old toddler girl. I normally write articles about tips & hacks or recommendations, but every once in a while, I write a reflective piece like this, about my motherhood journey. Without a doubt, becoming a mother has been one of the most challenging experiences in my life – from my IVF journey, undergoing an amniocentesis, dealing with gestational diabetes, to now raising a little toddler who keeps me on my toes every single day. As I reflect on my first year as a mother in Singapore, I realize that each day has brought me new lessons, surprises, and, yes, a few tears.
To fellow mummies who are navigating the chaos of new motherhood, know that it’s perfectly okay to feel overwhelmed. Know that you’re not alone, and it truly does get better – I’m living proof of it!
10 valuable lessons I learned during my first year as a mother in Singapore:
1. Embrace the Chaos of Newborn Life
3. Self-Care is Not Selfish: Putting Myself First
4. The Importance of Community
5. Coping with My Heart Outside of My Body
7. Celebrating Small Victories
9. Prioritizing Mental and Physical Health
10. Preserving Memories Because Time Really Flies
1. Embrace the Chaos of Newborn Life
Oh, the chaos! Those were the days I do not miss, but are hard to forget. A whirlwind of non-stop diaper changes, feedings, latching, pumping, trying to figure out why baby was crying, trying to figure out why baby was up before the “supposed” interval, and 1-2hour broken sleep cycles. Rinse, and repeat for 24 hours, 7 days a week.
As person who has a personality that thrived under order and plans – this was literally my worst nightmare. Fortunately, I had sensible guidance from my confinement nannies as well as my maternal wellness therapist, to talk sense into me and help me slowly ease into learning to go with the flow instead of trying to plan everything to the detail – an impossible task with newborn babies if it’s not obvious yet.
Here’s my lesson learnt: embracing that chaos was my saving grace. Rather than stressing myself out to tears trying to control everything, I learnt to let it go – well sort of (see point 6 for my compromise). Being a new mum means learning to be flexible and adapting to your baby’s rhythm.
2. Learning to Ask for Help
As women, we often feel the pressure to do it all. Fortunately, as in my role as a first-time mother, I’ve never really felt that burden to take on everything myself. Maybe it was because I was already exhausted from my very tedious pregnancy journey. Some where in the middle of my pregnancy, I was mentally prepared to ask for all the help I can possibly get within our financial means.
In my first year as a mother in Singapore, here’s some examples of the different kinds of help I asked for:
- A confinement nanny to help with baby caring in the earliest months (Read all about what my nanny helped me with here!)
- A live-in helper to help with housework and cooking (If you plan to hire one: I have guides for Interview Questions and also House Rules)
- Monthly sessions with a maternal wellness therapist to help me through my sometimes crippling anxieties postpartum (Yes I’m still doing therapy now even 16 months postpartum – no shame in that!)
- Engaging a lactation masseur to help me cope with my insanely tough breastfeeding journey (non-stop clogging and engorgement which made me want to give up breastfeeding altogether). (See my list of recommended lactation masseurs in my article here!)
- My husband to learn all the necessary skills for baby caring together with me
What I learnt? Leaning on others to help me through the especially tough start of motherhood, helped me tide through the roughest patch of all. Sharing the load allowed me to take a breath, focus on my recuperation (both mental and physical) which ultimately made me a better mum. Remember, it takes a village! If you have a family or in-laws who can help, great! Otherwise, if finances allow, do consider getting paid help for your sanity – at least for the toughest period at the start.
3. Self-Care is Not Selfish: Putting Myself First
As mothers, we often fall into the trap of putting our baby’s needs above our own. I was guilty of this, throughout the first year as a mother in Singapore. I was constantly thinking that if I wasn’t tending to my baby, I wasn’t being a good mother. My husband will testify to how many times I’ve cried in the early months overwhelmed by the crushing guilt of not being there to tend to my baby, while I was also grappling with my C-section pains, engorgement pains and non-stop pumping schedules. However, I soon learned that prioritizing my well-being is crucial—not just for me, but for my baby, too.
Little acts of self-care that I prioritized in my first year as a mother in Singapore:
- During the first month of confinement, I focused primarily on my recuperation and building up my milk supply. My routine daily: Eat, sleep, pump (& latch). I left all the other baby care tasks in the good hands of my nanny & husband and housework to my helper.
- Starting slow with Pilates at home, and then back at the studios to strengthen my body (I compiled a list of pre and postnatal pilates studios in Singapore that you can consider here!)
- Going to hair salons for treatments to reduce my postpartum hair loss (which took a huge toll on my confidence)
- Going on dates weekly/bi-weekly with my husband (because it’s soooo important to focus on US)
- Taking 1 hour monthly for my maternal wellness therapy session to learn coping mechanisms for my anxieties and more…
Putting myself first didn’t mean neglecting my baby; instead, it meant taking the time to recuperate and recharge. Whatever it was, these moments of self-care helped me feel more grounded. I realized that when I take care of myself, I can be a stronger, more patient, and loving mother. It’s not to say that I don’t still feel the pangs of guilt when I’m out to do something for myself, but now 1 year on, I always remind myself that, taking care of myself is not selfish; it’s essential.
4. The Importance of Community
Being a new mom can be isolating. The feeling that no one in the household can understand can feel suffocating. One of the best decisions I made was to connect with fellow mothers who were going through similar experiences. I joined local parenting FB groups, engaged with other mothers on WhatsApp and Telegram groups. For the extroverts, there are also plenty of in-person meetup groups you can join!
Sharing our ups and downs not only lightened my emotional load but also made the journey more enjoyable. For instance, a Telegram group with other fellow IVF mums became a lifeline for sharing tips, venting frustrations, and celebrating small victories together – sometimes in the MOTN while we pump.
So, reach out, make connections, and remember that you don’t have to navigate this journey alone. There’s a whole community of women ready to support you!
Tip: While most communities are generally friendly, there can be not so nice experiences as with any online community. Learn to block out the negatives, and don’t be afraid to try out different communities until you find one that suits you best 🙂
5. Coping with My Heart Outside of My Body
Every new mother knows this feeling all too well—the constant worry that comes with having your heart walking around outside your body. At the start I found myself fixating on questions like, “Is she pooping enough?”, “Is she drinking enough milk?” or “Why is she sleeping only 30mins at a time?”. As she grew up, the worries piled on in different forms, “Why isn’t she eating more solids?”, “Why is she so small?”, or “How do I stop her from injuring herself while exploring?”. It felt like a never-ending cycle of anxiety.
To cope with this worry, I focused on staying informed while also recognizing that I couldn’t control everything. Therapy definitely helped a lot to cope with this anxiety. As did reading up and learning more about different developmental milestones and how to navigate them – from weaning to walking.
Over time, I learned to celebrate each milestone, big or small, and to trust my instincts as a mother and seek reassurance when needed. I’m not saying I’ve learnt to overcome this anxiety entirely – I’m still a work in progress here. But I’m here to say it’s perfectly normal to worry about your little one; you’re not alone in this! Just remember to breathe and take it one day at a time.
6. The Power of Routine
Amidst the chaos, establishing a flexible routine became my anchor. Somewhere around the 4 month mark, I started to develop a routine of sorts, a rhythm for our days. Having a routine for feeding, napping, and playtime provided a sense of stability for both of us. It took a while to ease into it, but once it was in place, everything felt so much more comfortable the entire household.
4 month old EAT-PLAY-SLEEP routine & Sleep Routine (We still follow this broadly even at 16 months!)
Here’s her 6 month old schedule for reference (very similar to her 4 month old one with the exception that she did not take any solids yet)
As my daughter grew, we continued to adapt the routines to fit her developmental changes. This structure not only helped her feel safe but also allowed me to carve out time for self-care. Routines don’t have to be rigid; the key is to create a rhythm that works for both of you.
Here’s some of her other schedules I’ve written about for reference:
7. Celebrating Small Victories
In the whirlwind of motherhood, it’s easy to overlook the small victories. I learned that celebrating even the tiniest achievements could brighten my day. Whether it was my baby girl giggling for the first time or finally mastering tummy time, each milestone was worth acknowledging.
I’m not a journal type of person, but if you are, keeping a journal to document these milestones and feelings could help you appreciate the progress you are making together with your little one. Instead I took plenty of photos and videos to send them to my husband and family to share in these little wins.
We also made the effort to celebrate baby’s monthly milestone with a cake & candle every month. Our small household will get super excited to dress her up, sing a song, and take photos to celebrate her growth for the past month!
Looking back, these photos and videos serve as a beautiful reminder of how far we’ve come during those tougher days.
8. Focusing on US as a Couple
Becoming parents changes the dynamics of your relationship – it just does. Amid the chaos of sleepless nights and diaper changes, it can be really easy to forget about each other. But both of us have always had this conversation, even while we were trying to conceive – that OUR relationship was the most important in the household. It’s the bedrock of what the entire family is to be built on, so WE had to be solid.
But once we were thrown into the chaos of parenthood, it’s easier said than done. We were both so exhausted, sleep was a priority above all. Fortunately because we have had this discussion about focusing on ourselves many times over, we managed to make a conscious effort to prioritize our relationship in spite of everything.
In the early months where we stayed home most of the time, date nights looked like a quiet takeaway supper together when the rest of the household has turned in for the night or an anime bingeing session on my hospital bed.
Once I recovered, and baby’s routine got better at the 4th month mark, we started to explore date nights out 1-2 times a month. We started with simple ice cream dates at our neighbourhood cafes, strolls at the nearby park, and a simple night drive to dabao supper. Before we knew it, we started to get the hang of being parents, and had more energy to venture out for weekly activities we used to love like prawning, exploring new restaurants, catching movies in the cinema or even having a fun time at the arcade.
These moments helped us reconnect and remind us that we’re a team navigating this journey together. Don’t forget to check in with each other regularly and fill up your love bucket—your relationship is just as important as your role as parents!
9. Prioritizing Mental and Physical Health
Taking care of my mental and physical health was vital during my first year of motherhood. It’s easy to neglect your own needs in the whirlwind of parenting, but I learned that prioritizing both aspects is crucial for overall well-being. I cannot emphasize this enough!
Here are some things I did to help prioritize my mental and physical health:
| Mental Health | Physical Health |
| 1) Monthly maternal wellness therapy with Clarity Singapore 2) Hair treatments at salon to cope with postpartum hair loss (which affected my confidence) 3) Weekly “mummy self-care” time. 2-3 hours where I head out to do something I enjoy 4) Chatting and meetups with friends and fellow mums | 1) Postpartum massages 2) Pilates (at home and in studio) 3) Daily walks in the park 4) Take daily supplements 5) Annual health check up |
These are just some things that worked for me – try to find some things that work for you! Don’t hesitate to reach out for help—your health matters, and taking care of yourself (both body and mind) allows you to be the best version of yourself for your baby.
10. Preserving Memories Because Time Really Flies
Lastly, I learned the importance of preserving memories. Time has a way of flying by in the whirlwind of motherhood. In my first year as a mother in Singapore, I often found myself wishing I could pause those precious moments. I made it a habit to take lots of photos and videos of my baby’s daily life. What seems mundane in the moment, makes me go “awwww” months later when I look back at my collection.
So far, I’ve also created a scrapbook and photo frame collage of baby’s first month. Her 1 year scrapbook is next on my list – just so I have something physical to look at! Almost every night, my husband and I spend a good 10-15mins before bedtime looking back at those memories, feeling grateful for each moment. So, capture those fleeting moments, as they become treasured memories that you’ll cherish forever.
Final Thoughts on My First Year as a Mother in Singapore
As I reflect on my first year as a mother in Singapore, I am reminded of the incredible journey it has been. The lessons learned have shaped me into the mother I am today. Embracing chaos, asking for help, and prioritizing self-care have made this journey manageable and fulfilling.
To all the new moms and mothers-to-be out there, remember that you are not alone. Each challenge you face is a shared experience, and together, we can navigate this beautiful yet demanding journey. Embrace the chaos, celebrate the small victories, and know that with the right support from your village, it truly does get better.
Here’s to you, dear mothers—you are doing an amazing job, and this adventure is just beginning!
Like the idea of a little heads up on what to expect in the coming months of your first year of motherhood? Here’s a little roadmap I’ve put together based on my own journey that I hope can help give you a little insight!
Find this article about “10 Things I Learned in My First Year as a Mother in Singapore” useful? Do help share this article with your fellow mummy and daddy friends and spread the love! Check out more helpful articles here:
One comment on “10 Things I Learned in My First Year as a Mother in Singapore”